Floptacular Films: Gods of Egypt

Gods of Egypt.  A movie that received a ton of criticism before it was even released due to casting Caucasian actors as mythical Egyptian deities.  It was released in February, and I've heard that studios release new movies over the winter months for the same reason TV executives air shows on Friday nights: Secretly they want them to fail.  Because they're evil.

Most critics dismissed the film outright, stating that it was a bombastic in your face mess with bad CGI. A few semi-favorable reviews stated that it's so bad it's good.  "A little bit like 'Batman and Robin'.  Don't see it in theaters, rent it when it's released on DVD and watch it with friends when you need something to laugh at."

So.  Is Gods of Egypt a bad movie?

No.

It really isn't.

I watched this at home on DVD where I had control over the volume.  I can't say one way or the other about complaints that the movie is 'too loud' because I wasn't in a theater where you can't turn the volume up or down at will.  Honestly, I thought it was too QUIET at times.  I couldn't catch all of the dialog the first time around.  As far as complaints about the CGI, I thought this was a visually spectacular movie.  It's not the real world, it's a Steampunk-ish flat earth version of ancient Egypt.  It's a fantasy.  There were one or two places where the graphics did take me out of the story though - Set's wings being square and blocky when everybody else with wings had more organic looking bird wings, and the shiny golden armor Horus is wearing at the end that his head is sort of floating on top of.  Aside from those two things none of the effects bugged me.

Some critics didn't understand why members of the Egyptian pantheon are taller then everyone else.  Have these people never seen Hieroglyphs?  The Egyptians depicted more important - more powerful - characters as being larger than life - bigger than the insignificant mortals.  I think it's brilliant that the gods tower over everybody in the movie.

What about people who think this movie is unintentionally hilarious?  Personally, I think it's a comedy. On purpose.  Specifically, it's a buddy comedy movie.

'Gods of Egypt' is a throwback to the fantasy movies of a bygone era: Specifically the Ray Harryhausen movies such as 'The 7th voyage of Sinbad' 'Jason and the Argonauts' and 'Clash of the Titans'.  It takes many of it's plot elements from these stories - An evil usurper (Set) takes over a kingdom and casts the rightful heir (Horus) into exile.  There are fair damsels to be rescued (Zaya, and to a lesser extent Hathor) and the heroes must battle big scary monsters - like the giant fire breathing cobras - in order to complete their quest.

All in all, it feels a bit like the 2010 'Clash of the Titans' with some Indiana Jones type action in Set's booby trapped treasure chamber.  The sci fi elements remind me a bit of 'John Carter' - another flop I enjoy - or all of those Viking spaceships in 'Thor: The Dark World'.  Thor is like Vikingpunk, this is Egyptpunk!

"But Geekboy!  You make it sound like this movie is just a repeat of things I've already seen!  Does 'Gods of Egypt' bring anything new to the table?"

You betcha.

Spoiler warning.

'Gods of Egypt' retells the Osiris myth.  After Osiris is murdered by Set, Osiris' son Horus must avenge his father's death and reclaim the throne.  Unfortunately for Horus, his eyes have been stolen by Set.  Enter our hero, the plucky thief Bek.  After Bek's gal-pal Zaya is killed, Bek offers Horus a deal: He can steal back Horus' eyes and help him reclaim the throne and his beloved Hathor - whom Set has enslaved in exchange for sparing Horus' life - IF Horus will help him rescue Zaya from the underworld.  Thus begins a strained and hilarious partnership.  And this is the really really new thing 'Gods of Egypt' brings to the genre.  Bek and Horus' friendship goes through all of the same beats of a classic buddy picture in the midst of an mythical fantasy epic.

First they pretty much can't stand each other: Bek manipulates Horus into aiding him - giving him one of his eyes after he agrees to help - and Horus resents and disrespects Bek, in a 'If you have to tag along, at least make yourself useful and fetch me some water' type of way.  He also hides the truth from Bek, failing to mention that rescuing Zaya is beyond his abilities.

Of course, after they earn a little mutual respect and begin working together as a team, Bek learns the truth at the worst possible moment.  Naturally he feels used and betrayed by Horus, and hesitates just long enough to give Set a momentary victory, leading to the film's moment of greatest despair.  However, our heroes rally and band together again for one final round with Set.  Bek and Horus each perform a selfless act, Bek risking his life to give Horus his second eye, and Horus squandering an advantage he has against Set to rescue Bek.

Bek and Horus' friendship is the heart of this story, but it has plenty of other things to offer.  It handles the Damsel-in-Distress plot device in a very original way.  Zaya's journey through the underworld adds a ticking clock to the story, and feels like a nod to greek myths like 'Persephone'.  The movie sets up the possibility of coming back from the dead from the get-go, and then tells the audience over and over again that it's impossible.  In the end when characters do come back, it doesn't feel forced or unexpected because it's set up from the beginning.

The scene where Horus and Hathor are bickering in the swamp is hilarious.  Thoth is hilarious.  There are some really cool visuals like the cobra battle, flying chariots pulled by giant scarabs, Ra's Sunship,  the logic defying waterfall coming out of the sky, ect. ect.

Something this movie does very well is explain things as it goes along.  I'm not real familiar with Egyptian mythology, and I don't think I'm alone in that.  Western society on the whole is more familiar with the Greek myths because they've been adapted time and time again, and because we've read them in school as classic literature.  So I wasn't familiar with Hathor's connection with the underworld, but it doesn't matter if I was confused at first because they explain that later.  The random monster that Ra fights so it doesn't eat the world?  They explain that later.  And what feels like a throwaway scene reverencing an obscure myth is important in the climax when Ra isn't around to STOP the world eating monster.

I went into this movie planning to enjoy it.  It's what I do.  I like to like things, so I try to like things.  That said, I wasn't expecting to like it as MUCH AS I DID.  I would recommend it to a friend, and if you haven't seen it, I also recommend it to you.

Because sometimes the critics are wrong.