The Golden Voyage of Sinbad (1973)

'The Golden Voyage of Sinbad' is the second installment in a loose trilogy of Sinbad movies produced by Charles H. Schneer with stop motion visual effects by Ray Harryhausen.  I say a loose trilogy because the only thing these movies have in common is the title character, and the fact that they all feature stop motion effects by Ray Harryhausen.  Each movie has a different actor playing Sinbad, each movie has a different love interest, and in each movie Sinbad gets the girl in the end.  So the way I see it there are five options to explain the inconsistency. 

Option #1.  All of these movies are about the same Sinbad, who has a harem.  Recasting the character is acceptable because they made the first movie 15 years prior to this one in 1958. 

Option #2.  Similar to Option #1, but Sinbad goes through a messy divorce in between each film.  This theory explains why Sinbad is constantly searching for lost treasure, because otherwise he has trouble paying that alimony check every month. 

Option #3.  Each movie is set in a parallel universe.

Option #4.  Each movie is a soft reboot of the franchise.  Somebody needs to go back in time and stop this franchise from happening, because apparently Charles H. Schneer and Ray Harryhausen invented the reboot. 

Option #5.  Each movie is set in the same universe, but that universe has three different sailors named Sinbad who go on separate adventures and fight monsters while searching for treasure independently of each other whilst opposed by three different evil sorcerers and winning the hearts of three different fair maidens.  In between movies they go searching for treasure that one of the other Sinbads has already found.  Arriving too late, they shake their collective fists in the general direction of the other Sinbads, who are equally skilled treasure hunters and monster fighters.  I'm sure there's some Sinbad fan-fiction out there where the Kerwin Mathews Sinbad, the John Phillip Law Sinbad, and the Patrick Wayne Sinbad all have to team up and fight Monsters and Sorcerers together (And if not there should be).

The movie starts at sea.  One of Sinbad's men sees a flying creature and he shoots at it with his bow for sport.  While he missed, the creature drops a golden tablet it was carrying.  Sinbad (Played by John Phillip Law) picks up the tablet and sees a surreal vision of treasure, a mysterious figure dressed in black, and a dancing girl with an eye tattooed to her hand.  The first mate is convinced that the tablet is cursed and urges Sinbad to toss it overboard.  Sinbad decides he likes seeing surreal images of dancing girls, so he ignores the council of his first mate.  From the get-go, the first mate is probably my favorite character.  He's the voice of wisdom who everyone ignores.  And he's very deadpan snarky and 'I told you so' about it the whole time.

Sinbad spies a distant figure watching them from the shore.  He decides to swim for it and confront the sinister cloaked figure.  Turns out it's the same cloaked figure from his vision.  He's a sorcerer named Prince Koura, but since he's played by Tom Baker and I grew up with the BBC version of 'The Silver Chair' I choose to call him 'Evil Puddleglum'.  Evil Puddleglum has and impressive skill set with the abilities to control little flying gargoyle creatures and cause statues to come to life, but unfortunately tapping into the dark arts is slowly draining his life forces.  Evil Puddleglum claims that the gold tablet is rightfully his and tries to take it from Sinbad, but Sinbad steals a horse from Evil Puddleglum's henchmen (guess that makes 'our hero' a horse thief as well as a tablet thief), and the two race for the nearby walled city.

The city guards try to capture Evil Puddleglum - even though Sinbad is the one we just saw commit a crime - but Evil Puddleglum uses magic to close the portcullis on the guards and escape.  Sinbad meets a gold mask wearing Grand Vizier who has been at odds with Evil Puddleglum.  Turns out that Evil Puddleglum cast a spell that horribly scarred the Vizier's face whilst trying to acquire the second fragment, which is in the Vizier's possession.  The Sinbad figures out that the tablet is actually a sea chart.  It's a treasure map that leads to the 'Fountain of Destiny' a magic spring that can restore Evil Puddleglum's youth, making him a presumably unstoppable evil.  Unfortunately Evil Puddleglum has sent one of his little gargoyles to spy on Sinbad, and he learns where they're going next, setting up a traditional 'Race to the Treasure' type movie.

Sinbad and company are about to set sail when a rich merchant offers Sinbad a deal.  He wants Sinbad to take his useless lay-about son to make a real man out of him as a sailor.  Sinbad refuses, even as the merchant offers him more and more gold to take the boy off his hands.  Finally the merchant offers Sinbad one of his slave girls, Margiana, in addition to the gold.  It just so happens that she's the dancing girl with the eye tattoo from Sinbad's vision.  Intrigued, Sinbad agrees to the deal. 
 
Personally I find the Merchant's son to be really annoying for most of the movie, as he's mostly just used as a punchline to jokes that may or may not be funny, but he does become a legit member of the crew by the end of the story, and plays a crucial role in at least one of the monster fights.

Our heroes set out to sea, but soon discover that Evil Puddleglum is following close behind.  They loose him in a patch of fog, but Evil Puddleglum uses magic to animate the ship's figurehead - giving us our first real monster fight - and uses it to steal the chart showing Sinbad's course.  Fortunately Sinbad has a photographic memory and they proceed as if nothing had happened.  They arrive at the island of the 'Oracle of all knowledge' who can give them the clue to the third and final fragment of the tablet.  By the way, the Oracle looks a bit like a cross between the floating green head from 'The Wizard of Oz' and the German folktale creature 'Krampus'.

The Oracle speaks only in riddles and Evil Puddleglum arrives just in time to overhear the clue.  He also blows up the entrance to the temple, temporarily burying our heroes alive.  I'm not sure I understand Evil Puddleglum's evil plan at this point, as he needs all three fragments of the tablet to find the Fountain of Destiny and he's just buried two of them under all that rubble.  But our heroes mange to escape through a hole in the ceiling as Sinbad taps into his inner MacGyver, using a lamp stand, turban cloth, and a bow to make a makeshift grappling hook.

But Evil Puddleglum arrives at the location of the third tablet first.  He's capture by green skinned (...???) natives who try to sacrifice him to a statue of Kali.  But he uses his powers to make the statue come to life, and now the natives worship him.  When Sinbad and company arrive he uses Kali to fight them off while he searches for the final tablet.  This scene is not only one of the most impressive stop motion sequences of Ray Harryhausen's career, it's probably one of the best sword-fights in movie history.  First Sinbad fights the six armed statue on his own, but as the creature proves too strong for him his crew-mates join in.  So we have multiple fighters barely holding their own against this six armed opponent.  The movie is definitely worth watching for this scene alone.

Eventually our heroes overcome the stone monstrosity, and discover that the third part of the tablet was hidden inside.  But Evil Puddleglum returns with his army of natives and says that our heroes must die as they destroyed the image of the native's goddess.  'Now excuse me while I find that fountain...' he cackles as our heroes are on a literal chopping block...

But Margiana, who really hasn't had much to do until this point, raises her hands to stop the sacrifice.  The natives catch an eyeful of the eye tattooed on her hand and decide SHE'S the one they should be sacrificing.  So they drop her in a pit where she's taken off 'King Kong' style by a one eyed centaur.  Centaurclops?  Cycentaur?  Something like that.  One really cool effect is how they show us things from the Centaurclops' point of view, and the camera switches to this fish-eye effect.  It's a fun detail I don't think everyone would have thought of.

So our heroes escape from the natives, using the Vizier's hideously scarred face as a distraction, and follow Margiana into the pit rather than stop Evil Puddleglum from finding the Fountain of Destiny.  Margiana calls Sinbad out on this when he saves her.  'You came after me?  And let Koura have the prize?'  'No. Not the Prize.'  Although Sinbad's romantic chemistry with Margiana has been rather lacking up until this point, the delivery here is actually really sweet.

So they rush to stop Evil Puddleglum, but after a fight between the Centaurclops and a Griffin that comes out of nowhere, they discover they are too late to stop evil Puddleglum.  He's gained eternal youth, and the power to make himself invisible.  This movie is filled with pretty good special effects for the time, but invisibility isn't one of them.  It's like they took an eraser and slowly removed parts of Tom Baker from the frame until a poorly superimposed floating sword is all that's left.  As far as invisibility effects from the 70's go, I think Wonder Woman's invisible plane is more convincing.  This is particularly depressing as it's following that awesome fight with the six armed statue.

Anyway, Sinbad defeats Evil Puddleglum, and they use the magic of the fountain to heal the Grand Vizier's face.  They all sail off into the sunset, and the merchant's son has proven himself as a true sailor, although they use him for one last unfunny punchline before the credits role.

And that's 'The Golden Voyage of Sinbad'.  It's a fun little adventure movie and most of the special effects that hold up pretty well, and those that don't have a retro charm to them.  If you check you brain and don't mind the occasional plot hole, you should have fun with this one.

-Geekboy

Kong: Skull Island (2017)

I just saw 'Kong: Skull Island' last night and  HAD.  A.  TOTAL.  BLAST.  As someone who was a little disappointed in both 'The Jungle Book' and 'The Legend of Tarzan' last year, I really think this is the best jungle adventure movie we've had in ages.

As you probably know, 'Kong: Skull Island' takes place in the same world as 2014's 'Godzilla' and is setting up a loose remake of the 1962 Japanese film 'King Kong vs. Godzilla'.  I for one was a little concerned when I heard that this movie would be taking place in the 1970s - I saw this as a potential tribute to the 1976 King Kong, a version that I have both seen and hated.  I was pleasantly surprised though, the Vietnam War era setting really worked well, and even though the jukebox soundtrack was constantly reminding you of how 70's everything was it really captured the feel of a classic adventure story juxtaposed with a war movie.  Also, casual references to 'That nuclear incident in 1954' cough, Godzilla, cough, show that bumping the story forward a couple of decades was necessary for the crossover to work.  Also, changing the setting to the south pacific was a stoke of genius, tying Skull Island to World War II, Vietnam, and in a geographically similar location to Japan (And y'know, Godzilla).

All that crossover stuff is nice, but if you're like me, you didn't come for Godzilla references.  YOU CAME TO SEE KING KONG!  And as this is the third King Kong remake it's nice to see that they shook up the formula a little bit.  Don't get me wrong, I adore Peter Jackson's 2005 King Kong, but we really don't need another straight up remake of the original movie.  Gone is the empire state building and any reference to that fictional Arabian proverb about beauty and the beast.  We have many of the familiar elements, but they put them in a different order this time around.  The traditional King Kong ending - Kong swatting aircraft out of the sky - takes place close to the beginning this time around.  The climax is basically the Kong vs. T-rex fight, but this time around the T-rex is replaced with a new giant creature, a 'Skull Crawler'.

Spoiler warning.  If you haven't seen the movie but want to, proceed at your own risk.

The film starts during WWII with an American and a Japanese fighter pilot both crash landing on Skull Island.  As they are both on opposite sides of the same war their first inclination is to try and kill each other.  But as this IS Skull Island, they soon discover that they have much bigger problems than their personal allegiances.  As in, Kong Kong sized problems.  To this movie's credit, they don't monkey around - Sorry, couldn't resist - when it comes to showing us the monster.  One if the biggest fan complaints about the 2014 'Godzilla' is how little Godzilla actually appears onscreen.  Here we get our first look at Kong within the first 5 minutes, and I was on-board from that moment onward.

Fast forward to 1973.  We're introduced to professional monster hunter and government agent Bill Randa.  He's putting together a ragtag expedition to explore a Bermuda Triangle type skull shaped island.  Like any good expedition leader he's cryptic about his true motivations and how much danger is waiting for them on the island.  Other members of the expedition include hesitant tracker James Conrad - who is sort of your traditional 'great white hunter' stereotype - Mason Weaver, a photojournalist, which is the only pretty much the only available occupation for attractive heroines in classic adventure stories, and Colonel Preston Packard, who is here to handle the heavy artillery and order everyone around.

As well as playing the character types of classic adventure stories straight, they play dated and scientifically questionable elements of speculative fiction completely straight.  We've got an island surrounded by perpetual fog, hollow earth theory, giant spiders, and the movie is taking itself seriously the whole time.  Sure, the characters crack the occasional joke, but in general they take the lost world genre, update the time period, and do it without disrespecting the genre or losing credibility.  It's really refreshing, particularly after 'Legend of Tarzan' which didn't seem to understand that jungle adventure stories are supposed to be exciting and fun, rather than dull and soul draining.

It isn't long after arriving an skull island that the team runs afoul of Kong, and they've inadvertently (or perhaps not so inadvertently?) provoked him.  The survivors of this encounter are scattered.  Colonel Packard is seeing red after the loss of so many of his men, and his group sets out to find a way to take out Kong, while James Conrad, Mason Weaver, and company set out for the rendezvous point.  Conrad's team meet up with a group of natives and the long missing WWII pilot Hank Marlowe.

The natives have of course build huge wall around their village, but it turns out the wall is to keep out something EVEN WORSE than Kong - the Skull Crawlers.  Unlike the original King Kong, this wall is covered in spikes that are caked with the blood of past Skull Crawler attacks.  Marlowe warns the team against trying to taking out Kong, as he keeps the Skull Crawlers in check.  He also warns them against traveling at night, or taking that shortcut through the giant monster graveyard.  Our heroes primarily ignore all of Marlowe's warnings.  Poor Marlowe.

Our heroes eventually converge, but Packard is unwilling to continue to the rendezvous point.  Like Captain Ahab, Packard has become obsessed with a white whale.  A really hairy white whale that walks on two legs and is actually a gorilla.  Under the pretense of 'looking for survivors' Packard talks everyone to going back towards the helicopter where all the heavy artillery is kept.  On the way they have to cross that aforementioned monster graveyard, which just so happens to be where the Skull Crawlers hang out.  And here's where our heroes - particularly Mason and Conrad - get their chance to shine.

Side note: One problem I have with Mason, unlike Ann Darrow in previous versions, is that she isn't given much to do.  She doesn't have a big role in humanizing Kong - They only have about three scenes together - She'll occasionally wander off to take pictures, and you think she's about to be attacked by a big monster, but nothing happens.  She only appears to be in the story because it's traditional for a King Kong movie to have a pretty blonde girl who gets menaced by big monsters, but this movie did away with any of that 'Beauty and the Beast' damsel in distress stuff.  She does play a big part in some of the action scenes though, taking out Skull Crawlers with cigarette lighters and flare guns.  I love how resourceful she is in a fight.

Speaking of the monster fights - another thing that didn't totally work for me was the way they kept cutting away from our main characters to show Kong fighting a big monster.  The first example of this, we have a lone soldier separated from the others.  He stops by the river to wash his wounds.  Then Kong shows up and starts washing HIS wounds from that helicopter fight in the beginning.  It's a cool scene.  But then this big octopus shows up and they start fighting.  What?  Why is this scene in the movie?  It's random and kind of distracting.  The other place is where Marlowe is telling the team about how Kong protects the natives from the Skull Crawlers and we cut to Kong fighting Skull Crawlers.  I get the purpose for this bit, but it seems like an odd transition or something.

Anyway, back to the story.  Once our heroes find out Packard's plan to kill Kong, they are divided - our heroes are heeding Marlowe's warnings, and the soldiers are torn between following orders and doing the right thing.  Unfortunately Packard's attack both weakens Kong and awakens the biggest and baddest of all the Skull Crawlers.  Our heroes hotfoot it back to the river, but they're pursued by the Skull Crawler.  One of the soldier's bravely stays behind to take out the Skull Crawler, a live grenade in each hand.  Unfortunately his sacrifice is wasted as the beast knocks him out of the way with it's whip-like tale.  I had a bit of a debate with my sister about the scene.  She was a bit annoyed at this character's death, saying it felt pointless.  I countered with the argument that it highlighted that character's bravery, made the Skull Crawler seem that much more powerful, and made you more emotionally invested in the climax.  If not for the heroic sacrifice the ending would've just been two monsters punching each other.  And boy do those two monsters fight each other.  I had the biggest grin on my face when Kong grabs an anchor chain from a derelict ship and starts swinging it around like a mace.

And that's Kong: Skull Island.  It respects it's pulp adventure roots, but it's not afraid to shake up the formula and bring new things to the table.  Definitely worth a watch.

- Geekboy.

On Free Comics...

Happy Free Comic Book Day everyone!  If you have a local comic shop I hope you took advantage of the free stuff/sales/artist meet ups.  I also hope you didn't have to stand in line for too long.  In years past I remember feeling like I was trapped in an elevator with about 60 other people, but this year the crowds weren't too bad.  I don't know if this was because of the rainy weather or if the cashiers have speedy checkout lines down to a science after so many years of experience.  Possibly a combination of the two.

My local store had their first ever costume contest!  I didn't participate.  Found out about the contest too late to whip anything together.  I considered making a black mask and going as Man Without Fear/Netflix Season One Daredevil, but ultimately decided 'Nope.'  I enjoyed seeing others in costume, however.  Present and accounted for were DC comics 'Bombshells' Wonder Woman, The Riddler, Han Solo, and a family of T-Rex and Godzilla.

As well as my free comics, I picked up 'Wolf Moon' by Cullen Bunn of 'The Sixth Gun' and 'Harrow County' fame, and the first two volumes of the Steampunk series 'Lady Mechanika'.

The free comics and sales are nice, but the best part of the experience - and this is coming from a super reclusive introvert - is rubbing shoulders (perhaps literally) with like-minded nerds.  In the year since last FCBD I'd forgotten the sense of energy radiating from the community.  If you missed this year, be sure to catch it the first Saturday of May next year.

-Geekboy.

Trailer Thoughs: The Mummy (2017)

If you're a big monster movie nerd like I am, then you've probably heard that Universal Studios is trying to make a shared universe mega-franchise using modern day remakes of their classic monster series.  The new 2017 film 'The Mummy' is going to be the first film in the series.  Now, the reaction of most people when they hear this is something like: 'Oh, they're just trying to be Marvel.  Just like everybody else is.'  And there is definitely some truth in that.  Pretty much everybody IS trying to be Marvel right now.  But if anyone has a right to try and be Marvel it's the Universal Monsters.  They did it first.  1943's 'Frankenstein Meets the Wolfman' was one of the first ever film crossovers, and then Universal brought Dracula into the fold with 1944's 'House of Frankenstein' and 1945's 'House of Dracula'.  There's a longstanding tradition for Monsters meeting up and fighting each other.

 Universal made headlines when they announced that the new Mummy was going to be female.  'First ever female Mummy!'  Somehow the news spun that as Universal is a champion for women's roles in Hollywood?  Like we didn't think women could play monsters before, or something?  (I feel like there's a Mother-in-law joke in there somewhere).  The thing is: Anyone who REALLY KNOWS MUMMIES should know that this isn't true.  One of the earliest and most influential mummy stories is Bram Stoker's 1903 novel 'The Jewel of the Seven Stars' which featured the vengeful queen Tera who was a FEMALE MUMMY.  Later installments in Universal's original series such as 'The Mummy's Ghost' and 'The Mummy's Curse' had Princess Ananaka, ANOTHER FEMALE MUMMY.

One thing to note is that this movie, and I assume the other movies in the series will be as well, is set in the modern day.  It'll be interesting to see how they pull this off.  So much of what makes Mummies in particular work is the backdrop of superstition and mysticism of an early 20th century setting.  All that 'Curse of the Pharaoh's' can come off as Saturday Morning Cartoon stuff so many years after the discovery of King Tut's Tomb. 

Let's talk about the latest trailer.  Looks like it could be promising.  We've got a variety of locations, a look at Russell Crowe's Dr. Jekyll - who appears to have a wise-yet-judgemental 'How dare you unleash the ultimate evil on humanity?' role, a few glimpses of the action (That awesome flooded tomb!) and a look at Princess Ahmanet's powers.  I gotta say, the way she flips and scurries up that chain like a spider is awesome!  I'm a little concerned about her ability to make a giant flying head appear in the sky though.  That's the signature move of Imhotep from Stephen Sommers' 1999 Mummy series.  There are enough fans wondering why this movie stars Tom Cruise instead of Brendan Fraser as it is.  Personally I think this movie would do better if it avoids comparison to a popular film series that a lot of people grew up with.

That said, let's talk about the title, huh?  The 1932 Mummy, the 1959 Mummy, the 1999 Mummy and this new film are all simply called 'The Mummy'.  That gets a little confusing, doesn't it?  Maybe they should take a page from 'Kong: Skull Island's' book and give us a new title to go with our new mummy.

-Geekboy.

The Unknowable Future

Over the past few years there have been some major changes in my family dynamic.  And there are more changes coming down the pipe in the near future.  It's inevitable at this point.  Maybe it's because of all these changes, but I've been thinking a lot about these two songs lately.  They both deal with family life and how it changes with time.

The first song is called 'Boats & Birds' by 'Gregory and the Hawk'.  My interpretation of the song is that it's about empty nest syndrome.  A mother is singing to her child about how she knows that they will have to grow up and someday and the child will live his or her own life.  'You can skyrocket away from me - And never come back if you find another Galaxy - Far from here where there's more room to fly - But leave me your stardust to remember you by.'  The song is about coping with the fact that sometimes you have to let go of the people you care about.

The other song is 'House of Gold' by 'Twenty One Pilots'.  It has sort of the same premise, but the roles are flipped.  This one is about a son who wants to have the means to provide for his mother in her later years.  She's provided for him after all, and it's only fair that he return the favor.  'She asked me, son, when I grow old - Will you buy me a house of gold - And when your father turns to stone - Will you take care of me?'  The son wants to care for his mom in the event of his father's death.  He worries that he won't be able to provide for her needs financially.  My favorite line in the song is 'And since we know that dreams are dead - And life turns plans upon there heads - I will plan to be a bum - So I just might become someone!'  This drives home for me the point that the future is unknowable.  We can't control it.

And what are our biggest fears?  The unknown.  And if the future is both unknown and unknowable it stands to reason that the future and the change it brings can be one of our biggest sources of anxiety.  And fear can be such an isolating emotion.  Fear of the unknown future is not something we have to face alone however.  Because the unknown future and the fear it brings are universal.  Everyone has experienced it or will experience it.  Everyone you come in contact with should be able to empathize with your worries.  That makes everyone you meet a potential part of your support group.  Or, if talking to other people about your worries is too scary, you can have you fears quelled vicariously through songs like 'Boats and Birds' or 'House of Gold'.  Songs help because they remind us that we aren't so alone.

-Geekboy.

Thoughts On: Shrek (2001)

'What did you do this weekend, Geekboy?'  Well, I watched the Dreamworks animated film 'Shrek' with my family.  Because about the only other thing I could muster up the energy to do was watch sword-fighting clips from Errol Flynn swashbucklers on Youtube.  That's right.  The party never stops when I'm around.

'Shrek' is pretty much beloved by kids and adults across the board.  Why is that?  What makes it tick?  Why is 'Shrek' hailed as the perfect modern fairy-tale for the 21st century?

Is it because there's enough princess stuff for the young girls, enough action and gross-out humor for young boys, and a nostalgic pop soundtrack for the grown-ups?  I think appealing to so many demographics is definitely part of the success.  As a kid I really dug the actions scenes with the suspension bridge over the pit of lava and the dragon chase through the castle (and still do as an adult).  My Dad liked 'Shrek' primarily for the jukebox soundtrack and Donkey's wacky antics.

But jokes and catchy music only go so far.  What is it about the story and the characters that resonates with all ages?  I think it's because it's a story about oddballs.  And let's face it, we're a society of oddballs.  Few things are more compelling than three individuals who come together, learn to see past their differences (or differences that are actually similarities in disguise) and become buds.

Let's take a look at the title character Shrek.  He's a loner who takes the whole introversion think very seriously.  As an introvert I can identify with this character right away.  But as the story goes on we learn that a big part of the reason Shrek hates being around people is that people hated being around him first.  They started it.

Then we have Donkey.  When he crosses paths with Shrek he has that whole 'We oddballs must stick together!' thing going.  Shrek, who is so used to being alone, is incredibly annoyed by this.  We identify with Shrek here because we all know what unwanted company is like.  We introverts will find all living beings to be annoying at some point in our lives.  Our family, our friends...no we don't ACTUALLY hate everybody, we just need a little space right now.  And the ability to hear ourselves think.  But on the flip side of this we also identify with Donkey.  Because we all go through that awkward stage where we desperately want someone - ANYONE - to like us.  Often this awkward stage is called puberty.  And as much as Shrek doesn't really want Donkey around, Donkey does slowly begin to draw Shrek out of his shell.

And to complete this trio we have Princess Fiona.  She's trying her hardest to behave the way a perfect Princess should act, because that's the role in society that she's expected to play.  But let's face it - that's just not her.  In addition to this she has an embarrassing secret: That whole 'turning into an ogre when the sun sets' thing.  This resonates with the 'Oh, nobody would like me if they knew about (fill in the blank) ' that most socially awkward people have going.  So, Fiona is basically pretending she's something that she isn't - twice over - in order to fit in.

These characters are all basically three sides of the same socially awkward coin.  So the narrative of these three people who don't fit in anywhere become friends - or in Shrek and Fiona's case fall in love - is the sort of story we oddballs need to hear.  Because deep down we know that there's nothing so wrong with us that we can't have friends or fall in love, but sometimes we need a reminder.

That may not be why Shrek resonates with everyone - I don't know what you extroverts get out of it - but I think it's why it resonates with me.  Leave a comment about why Shrek resonates with you.

-Geekboy.

The Magnificent Seven (2016)

Here we go again.  Last installment of the Seven Samurai vs Magnificent Seven series.

The 2016 version makes a few subtle changes to the story we should be pretty familiar with by now.  Rather than bandits stealing grain we have an evil robber baron 'Bartholomew Bogue' out to steal the farmers land and the valuable mineral rights that go with it.  The seed for this idea of 'Thar be gold in those hills!' was planted in the 60's version with Harry Luck's obsessive notion that the bandits must be after buried treasure rather than grain.

Rather than turn to the local wise old man for advice the townsfolk meet in the Church to figure out how to deal with this.  Bartholomew crashes this little party, and burns down the Church building.  All this is to show us just how evil he is.  As if this isn't bad enough Bartholomew's men quite literally kick the Pastor while he's down.  The husband of our female lead, Emma, rushes to the Pastor's aid and is shot in cold blood.

We now switch to our heroes.  Or at least one of them.  There are seven of these guys after all.  Specifically we switch to Sam Chisolm, who is quick to remind you that he's a 'Warrant Officer' rather than a bounty hunter (but he's basically a bounty hunter).  We're given clues to his character arc and motivation through the sort of bounties he collects.  He's after a man who has murdered fathers, sons, and raped wives.  You don't mess with families around Sam Chisolm.

Chisolm is approached by Emma.  Unlike Seven Samurai and the '60s Magnificent Seven, Chisolm doesn't agree to help simply because it's the right thing to do.  His interest isn't peaked until he hears the name Bogue.  He's got history with Bartholomew.  He asks Emma if she's out for revenge.  Her response?  'I seek righteousness, as should we all.  But I'll take revenge.'

Now that our heroic leader is on-board we go about the recruitment process.  To save time Chisolm already knows most of the men he recruits.  And the ones he doesn't have history with are all like, 'Hey, I have a buddy who's an expert knife thrower!  Can they come too?'  So, that's a subtle difference between versions.  Another is Chisolm's recruitment methods.  They occasionally border on blackmail.  For example, he buys the horse Joshua Faraday lost in a dice game and is all 'My horse now.  If you want it back you have to do a job for me.'  And then there's Vasquez, an outlaw he promises not to turn in, but only if he joins the suicide mission.

So.  On one hand this updated version feels a little cynical to me.  The storytellers decided to give most of the characters motivations to fight other than 'Yay!  Sticking up for the underdogs!  It's the right thing to do!'  Chisolm in particular feels a little jaded to me as we learn he's out for revenge on Bogue himself.  As leader of the seven he's the one you want to feel the LEAST jaded.  At times I feel like they were trying to make a Clint Eastwood western rather than a Magnificent Seven remake.

On the other hand we have themes of joining a common cause in spite of personal differences.  This message is downright humanitarian!  We have the Mexican outlaw Vasquez and Goodnight Robicheaux, whose grandfathers fought on opposite sides in the Battle of the Alamo, and we also have ex-Indian fighter Jack Horne and Comanche warrior Red Harvest fighting side by side.

The choice of the name Red Harvest - and this may be a bit of a stretch - seems like a clever Easter Egg to me.  Film Historians speculate that Dashiell Hammett's prohibition era mystery novel 'Red Harvest' may have inspired Akira Kurosawa's film 'Yojimbo' which in turn inspired the Spaghetti Western film 'For a Fistful of Dollars.'  And who directed 'Seven Samurai,' the film upon which 'Magnificent Seven' is based?  Also Akira Kurosawa.

Speaking of 'Seven Samurai,' the 2016 adaption doesn't seem to have a stand in for the Kikuchiyo character.  Not among the Seven at least.  I honestly think the closest equivalent is Emma.  She spends a good deal of the story trying to convince Chisolm to let her join the fight,  but not in a cheesy 'girl power' type way.  She doesn't have anything to prove, but feels as if they need every good shot they have, and wants an active part in bringing her husband's killer to justice.

I feel like Emma/Kikuchiyo parallel is particularly evident in the climax of the movie.  In a desperate attempt to escape from Chisolm's wrath, Bogue runs to the Church for sanctuary.  You know, that same Church that he burned down in the beginning of the picture.  Chisolm has him cornered, but like all dishonorable bad guys Bogue pulls out the backup weapon he had stashed on his person.  He's about to pull the trigger, and we hear a gunshot.  Not his gunshot, but Emma's.  She's avenging her husband's death and - like Kikuchiyo - becoming a full fledged warrior in the process.

And that's it for my Seven Samurai/Magnificent Seven series.  Hope you enjoyed, and if you haven't already, check out at least one of these movies - if not all three.  Each one has its own merits and I think it's worth studying the differences and similarities between adaptions.

-Geekboy.